THE ITSY BITSY SPIDERMAN GOES DOWN THE WATER SPOUT
by Grace1776 Jr
Summary: THE SGC has a emergincy and SG-1 may be in danger. SHIELD is called in for help and Nick Furry has only one man he can send to get the job done.  Problem is, its SPIDER-MAN!  Ultimate Marvel crosses with Stargate SG-1. See how the mesh.
1. Chapter 1

THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER-MAN GOES DOWN THE WATER SPOUT

Discription: No infringement is meant. MGM owns Stargate and Disney/Marvel own Ultimate Spiderman. This is for entertainment only and not meant as canon or to be taken too literally. Its just funny to think about.

* * *

><p>Chapter 1: PVT SPIDER-MAN Reporting for Duty!<p>

Nick Fury got out of the car in front of the White House. An aid pointed the way for him and in less than two minutes he was past security and standing in the Oval Office.

President Hayes, stood up and shook his hand. They had met once before when Hayes was getting his Top Secret Briefing but it had been very fast and understated. S.H.I.E.L.D. was not in the habit of explaining their actions and that was how the government liked it. "General Fury,"

"I don't normally go by that, Mr. President. Directory Fury, or Fury will be fine, Sir." Most wouldn't be ballsy enough to correct a president but Fury made his living being ballsy.

Hayes flashed a smile coving his annoyance. He sat just as the Joint Chiefs came in along with a Major. "Director Fury," Hayes said. "There is a situation and it is time sensitive. It has been suggested that your organization may have the best solution that will meet the needs of both time and limit the loss of life."

_Yah, yah,_ Fury thought to himself, _everything is an emergency, everything is time sensitive. What do you want?_ "I will do what I can, Sir."

Haynes looked to the other men in the room. Surprising Fury, which almost never happened, the Major stepped forward. The name plate said, Davis. "Director Fury, I am Major Davis. I am the liaison between the Stargate Program and the Pentagon. Are you up-to-date on the SGC, Sir?"

"Yes I am, Major Davis," Fury did not sit down but still stood in the center of the room. _I know more about you than you think I do kid._

"Sir, there is a situation. On a mission our flag team SG-1 was able to locate and send back a description of a major weapons platform." he handed Fury a folder. "We do not have images but the description is detailed."

Fury started reading while the Major talked. "Our allies have informed us that it is meant to launch a massive warhead like weapon that is capable of entering hyperspace giving it the ability to cross vast distances from its point of origin and appear virtually anywhere in proximity to its target. They also have informed us that Earth is the intended target"

The Description stated that it was about 70 stories tall, with massive supports coming around in a circle or oval shape. A maize like circuit is both facility and generator for the platform. Weapon is as of yet unknown. A large garrison of both workers and soldiers communities around the structure. Heavy opposition as well as civilian and indigenous personnel. The structure itself was nearly 25 miles from the gate along un-broken terrain. Probably to protect it from an enemy attack to begin with.

"We have sent several teams of marines to try and destroy the platform or at least delay its prep for launching the weapon. UAVs armed with rockets, essentially all the military might of the SGC has not been able to accomplish the mission."

"What about SG-1?" Fury asked. "I was lead to believe SG-1 was capable of doing the impossible."

"They as well as SG-4, and SG-13 we believe were captured right after delivering this intelligence. The weapon is also scheduled to launch in less than 7 hours. Which doesn't mean they can't launch early if another attack is made." The Major stopped talking but it was clear he was stressed by the information.

Fury stopped reading and closed the folder. Turning back to the man behind the desk he dismissed the Major as no long important. "Mr. President, was is it you want from me?"

Haynes looked up him. "Well, I want to know if you have something that can deal with this?"

Fury gave nothing away. He was impassive as a statue. "I can give you an answer right now. Nuke it. Throw a naquadah enhanced bomb through and blow the planet to kingdom come. Problem solved."

One of the Joint Chiefs spoke up. "Director Fury, that is not considered an option at this point. The planet has a indigenous population that until recently was favorable to earth till the Goa'uld took the plant."

Major Davis added, "There is a possibility that the power of the blast would keep the stargate connection open and result in the gate acting as a conductor destroying the SGC if not most of North America as well. We've had issues with this before."

"Let me see if I understand this." Fury said. "A weapon is ready to fire. It can appear out of nowhere and we can not put enough troops on the ground the fight our way to it. We can't blow it away because the same weapon may cause damage on our side as-well. So you want me to do what?"

"Damn-it, Fury!" General Maynard stood up. "Stop playing around. Can Iron-Man or your Ultimates team stop this thing?"

_There it is. You want the human weapons, the ones you hate so much, the ones that you keep complaining about every time they save your assess. _Fury did not answer. At the same time was he thinking smug thoughts he was running through all the contingencies S.H.I.E.L.D had for a situation like this. 1st he could get Thor, Captain America, and Tony Stark together and come up with a strategy but that wasn't an option at this time. Tony was out with severe trauma from his last fight, Thor was unreachable in Asgard or wherever his home planet/dimension was. Cap could be called but from what he just read that was no good. Cap was probably the best as close quarters combat but the facts were that even he couldn't get that far that fast in the time they had.

Mobile weapons platforms - untested with the stargate

Bruce Banner - couldn't be found at this point.

Fantastic Four - Also unreachable a pocket dimension dealing with extradimensonal invaders.

X-Men - same speed issues as Cap, and they still needed someone that could handle any technical issues that came up. Could WASP or Ant-Man…maybe…

One name did keep coming up, but Fury kept dismissing it. Speed, technical expertise, stealth, work independently or with a group. There was only one that met all those specs but Fury couldn't do that.

"Director Fury," President Haynes, came around his desk to stand right in front of the tall menacing man dressed all in black. "I know you take a lot of crap from the government, from this office in particular but all of that doesn't mean a damn thing. We are talking about lives, uncountable number of human lives. Can you help us?"

_Lives. It always comes down to lives. But were these lives worth his?_ Fury didn't think so but it wasn't his call…"I have someone in mind, Mr. President. I'll need some papers signed. And give me two and half hours to get him to Colorado Springs."

* * *

><p>Peter Parker was sitting in class doing Math. Mary Jane was behind him and he could feel her staring dagger at him. She was still pissed about their break-up. <em>How many times can I say I'm sorry.<em> As if heaven itself was saving him the fire bell went off.

"Alright students, please leave your books and exit the room in an orderly fashion." the teacher said. The sprinklers went off and everyone made for the door in anything but orderly to escape the downpour.

Once outside there was the normal craziness when hundreds of kids getting out of the building, most soaking wet. Pete kept to fringes. His spider sense went off. BUZZ. Looking up Peter saw a big man coming towards him at a fast walk. Not wanting to get attention Peter veered off and started moving away from the crowd. "Whoever you are, lets do this somewhere else."

The buzz went off again and Peter knew two more were now ahead and to the side of him. "Okay, lets do this." Peter said to himself.

Peter turned a corner where there was only one way in. Before him was a wall. He was up and over faster than someone could blink and then back tracked. The three goons came into the dead end and he landed behind them and started walking away letting them sink into confusion. "they'll figure it out."

"Parker!"

Peter stopped dead in his tracks. A black van opened up and Nick Fury came out. "Get in the van."

"Hey, I thought you said I was to stay away from you. Now you come to me? Isn't this a double standard."

Fury pulled out a official looking piece of paper. "You've been drafted, get in the van."

"Wait," Peter said not moving. "I'm not eighteen yet. You can't - "

Fury was standing in front of Peter in one long step towering over him. "Parker! Get in the van, now."

For a moment Peter didn't have anything to say and meekly got in the van. Fury looked at the men just now coming out of the dead end where Parker had tricked them. "You three are fired!"

Fury got into the van and it drove away leaving the three plains cloths agents behind. "You got your costume right?"

* * *

><p>"WHAT!" Peter, now in his spider man costume bellowed as they moved him from the van and he now saw a space age looking jet thing. Fury handed Peter the folder. "Listen to me, Parker. Read this on the way, get in the space ship and don't talk to anybody, you got it?"<p>

Spider-Man took the folder in a dazed confused state - 'yeah. Got it. Um…space ship?" He was in the back-seat and the pilot said buckle in. Then they were air born…Peter had never even seen a plane go up this fast. "Wow."

He had a helmet the with the mask on he couldn't get the part that goes over his mouth to work so he left it off after making sure it was safe. The pilot gave an affirmative which was military speak for yes, Peter figured. "Okay, reading the file…Stargate Program, funny name." Peter read the first page. "Not funny, not funny at all." He looked out the window. "Um, I'm guessing we are not in the eastern US anymore?"

"Affirmative."

* * *

><p>"Director Fury, I understand you are operating under the President's orders. So am I, but this is my command and no way in hell am I -." General George Hammond said. He had met Nick Fury once and had an instinct disliking for the man. He was the kind of person that made fast decisions and expected expediency to out way all out concerns. He also was known for not listening to anyone but himself and leaving messes for other commanders to clean up. Hammond had cringed when the White House called saying that S.H.I.E.L.D. would be sending its own to the SGC. The separation of the two Commands had been a big priority for Hammond since the SGC as founded. Nick Fury had been kept a distance from the Stargate especially when S.H.I.E.L.D. started dealing with their own alien threats. The man couldn't be trusted.<p>

Fury was calling and flatly demanded that Hammond do three things, first, don't talk to his agent, just have someone give him the particulars and open the gate, second, keep everyone accept essential personnel away from the agent. The last thing was the most outrageous. S.H.I.E.L.D. would take control of the Gate Room the moment Fury was onsite.

"Sir," Walter Harriman poked his head in. "The SHIELD Agent is at the front gate."

"Director Fury, your agent is here, we have less than 5 hours…I'll talk to you when you arrive." He hung up the phone and sighed. That felt good. "Bring him down."

"Roger, Sir."

* * *

><p>Spider-Man exited the elevator flanked by two army looking guys. <em>No these guys are Air-Force. Is that better or worse?<em> As they walked through the halls he saw everyone stop to stare at him. Several people dropped books or coffee mugs. One guy in full soldier mode dropped his rife. "Hey dude, you shouldn't do that." Spidey pointed out in mock humor.

As they walked, Peter did what he normally did when handling stress. "That's right, your friendly transcontinental Spider-Man has come to pay a visit to the troops. Thanks for all that you do keeping our country safe. From everyone in New York, thank you for your service." He even went as far as to reach out to shake a few hands but only one person actually took it.

He was led up to a strange two floor room like section with a staircase, and was led up it. The floor had a conference table and a window looking into a bigger room. There Spider-Man stopped and stared out at the big ring. "Wow," he said so low that no one would have heard him.

"Um, Sir," Spider-man turned to see a narrow shouldered man in a blue uniform. "Mr. Spider-Man,' The man trailed off staring at him.

_Time to play it cool._ "Just Spider-Man." Pretending to ignore the guards he walked over and took the man's hand and gave it a shake. "I'm here to help."

There was a visible sign of relaxation and the man continued. "Yes, um…the General will be in to brief you in a minute." They stared at each other for a second and then the man smiled and asked. "Can I get your autograph? I have a nephew and he loved your movie."

Peter didn't have a chance to answer when the door at the end opened and a heavy bald man stood in the door eyes wide.

* * *

><p>General Hammond was putting together the briefing trying to pick out the most essential items. Time was getting away from them and he needed to brief the agent as fast as possible. There was a knock at the door. Looking up he saw Dr. Friaser in the door to his office.<p>

"Doctor, I'm in the middle of something right now."

"Yes, Sir, but you should see this." The woman walked into his office and pointed out the window into the briefing room. Hammond followed her look and before he knew what he was doing he was in the conference room staring at Spider-Man. The Spider-Man.

"General Hammond, this is Spider-Man, the SHIELD Agent." Walter said.

Hammond closed his mouth. He had heard of the Ultimates and Spider-Man and even the X-Men but seeing one of them here…it was something he never expected. "Uh, yes, Spider-Man. Please have a seat."

Silently the masked man in the blue and red suit sat down at one end of the table. Hammond went back into his office and got his papers together. Coming back out he checked the clock on the wall. Less than 4 hours and 50 min.

"Spider-Man," Hammond began. "I don't know how much you have been briefed on the situation. We were not expecting you."

"That's okay, I didn't expect to be flown half way across the country in a space-ship." Hammond taken aback by the youthful voice coming from the featureless mask."

Everyone was quiet. Hammond, Fraiser, Harriman, the guards, no one spoke. "Okay, interrupting was not what I meant to do." Spider-Man said. "I'm a little intimidated and I talk when I'm nerves."

The very human admission seemed to knock everyone out of their daze and Hammond reviewed the individual across from him. "I'll be as simple as I can. Son. There is a weapon that we believe can kill everyone on this planet and we have no way of stopping it once it is launched. We have no allies that we can call on and our people on the other side of the gate may be captured or dead. Right now we need someone to go through and stop that weapon from launching. Secondary objective is to rescue our people from the enemy. Can you handle that?"

It was a over simplification but for Hammond it was the down and dirty of this mission. One man could not do it. SG-1 so far wasn't able to do it and they were, in Hammond's opinion, the best there ever were.

Spider-Man stared, or at least looked like he was staring at the General then turned and looked out at the gate. Visibly he breathed in, his shoulders rising and falling. He might have said something but Hammond didn't catch it. The costumed figure turned back to look at Hammond. "I don't have a choice." He said low. He sounded so young. He couldn't be more than 20 years old, maybe even younger.

"Alright," Hammond said. Harriman will give you the specifics and Siler can brief you on the technical aspects that we know about. Mission is ago in 30 min."

As Spider-Man was going to the door, he stopped and turned back to the General. "Uh, General, what's my rank, I just got enlisted but Fury never said what my rank was." The absurdity of the statement made one of the guards laugh, two quick ha ha's before she got control of himself. Hammond didn't know what to say, because he was also stuck between a laugh or seriously answering the question. "You know what, never mind. I have no where to pin it anyway and Privet Spider-Man just doesn't have the ring I'm looking for." With that he headed out following Harriman.

Fraiser who was standing in the corner turned slowly to look at Hammond. "Sir?"

Hammond had nothing to say."

* * *

><p>Spider-Man was in the Gate Room and watched in awe as the rings inside the larger one started spinning. "So this thing I'm just guessing is a giant superconductor, capable channeling enough energy punching a whole in what we understand as space." He said to no one in particular. "And matter is broken down and then reassembled on the other side. Is there any chance that this is really just copying me on the other side and the me-me is destroyed, because that doesn't sound good." No one answered him. "Hey its not like I said I wasn't going either way."<p>

He had a small backpack that was filled with a few gadgets that he really didn't know how to use. The C-4 had been the easiest. Siler had showed it too him and blanched when Spidey asked how exactly was he supposed to set it up. _Its not like I've had any trouble blowing stuff up without C-4. _They had also offered him a utility vest and body armor but he waived it off justifying that he should stick with what he knew rather than try to learn on the fly.

"Chevron seven licked," Came Harriman's voice over the loudspeaker. The game stopped spinning and there was a wave that Peter figured was a spacial distortion like how licked in a carton moved allowing air to take up the space so it can get out. There was even a KAWUSH then he was looking at a solid puddle. "SPIDER-MAN you are ago." General Hammond's voice came over the speaker. "There are 4 hours and 10 minutes till the weapon is launched."

Spidey gave a thumbs up and rolled up his glove showing a watch and made as if setting it. Then he went running up the ramp. There was a moment of cold and Peter saw himself go sipping down a tunnel with blue lights and then PEW, he was on a stone platform staring at a bunch of guy sin chain mail pointing sticks at him.

"Hey, guys, I'm Spider-Man and you would be?"

"CREE, JAFFA!"

Spider sense went off SCREAMING and Spidey jumped up. He landed on one guy's massive shoulders. He webbed out two guys to either side then pulled yanking them straight up off the ground. Spinning side ways he flipped the guy under him. Then he was on the ground and dodged a energy blast to his left then his right. A punch in the midsection sent on flying back 5 feet, "OW!" Spider cradled his hand dodging more fire that took out one of their own.

He webbed the last four together. "OKAY!, Now that that is over, why don't we talk for a moment."

"Jaffa! No'se, tel maro'k…"

"And you speak gibberish…u'mkay. Which…way…to…the…big…bomb…?" Peter looked up and saw over the tress what would be miles away a giant tower like building with giant legs sticking out of it. And it looked BIG. "I'm guising its that way." he started in that direction. The Jaffa lunged for him but only succeeded in tipping him and his four buddies over on top of him. "Yeah, you take a nap, guys don't crush him under you."

Spider-Man started running. There wasn't any time to waste.

* * *

><p>Note: Okay, this was meant to be a 3 part story, just a quickie. I hope people like. Take some ideas and maybe I'll see some more of this type out there. Love reading reviews, they motivate me.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Peter was actually a good runner. But there was a big difference running in track shoes on a smooth school track than running over unbroken terrain in boots with a sole thinner than a flip-flop and no arch support. Thank god it wasn't too far before he hit the tree line. One leap and he was up to the closest branch and started leaping and swinging from branch to branch like a monkey.

It wasn't as smooth as web-slinging through city however. Branches kept hitting him no matter how he tried to avoid them. But there was a lot more to grab onto so he saved his web-shooters. _I wonder if I could be in the next Tarzan movie…when was the last one made?_ He swung from branch to branch and then climbed up through the leaves till he poked his head up top. He oriented himself and gauged the distance. Time was running out and he had a long way to go. And this was a stealth mission. If he got caught they might try to launch early. _No pressure, Spidey._

Spider-sense went off and he ducked down as two WUSH, WUSH sounds went by over head. Looking up he saw two strangely bird like ships fly by. Alien jets he was guessing. A light bulb went off in his head, _And my ride_.

* * *

><p>"Why does this always happen to us?" Jack O'Neal complained. Himself, Teal'c and Daniel were in one cell. Across from them was another cell with Carter, Falks, Marcus, and Black. The rest were in another cell that Jack couldn't see. Fortunately no-one had been killed, yet.<p>

"Hey, T," Jack gestured to Teal'c. The big Jaffa came over to where Jack was leaning against the wall. "Any idea how we can get out of here."

"I have no suggestions to offer at this time, O'Neal." The stern faced Jaffa stated.

"Sir, there is maybe 3 hours left till they launch the weapon." Carter said from across the hall.

"Thank you Carter. Maybe you can suggest a way we can stop it?" Jack sarcastically replied.

"Roger, Sir, I'll get on that." was her reply.

Daniel remained quiet.

"Hey," Jack came over off the wall to stand by where Daniel was sitting doing that contemplative thing he did. "What'ya got?"

"I was just thinking that the Goa'uld didn't build this place." Daniel said. "Its older, maybe Ancient but it had to be modified somehow. I'm wondering if it was here when the Goa'uld originally settled the slaves here, then when they abandoned it the humans did all this construction themselves. Then the Goa'uld came back and just weaponized it."

"And this helps us, how?" Jack asked, his voice getting real low.

"It doesn't, Jack, I'm just trying to figure out how this place came to be and then maybe I'll figure something out." Daniel explained.

Jack growled and stalked off. "People, earth is going to be a burning cinder in less than 3 hours. We need some ideas, they don't have to make sense, I'll take anything at this point."

"Sir," Carter got the Colonel's attention.

"What, Carter," jack came to the bars. "What did you come up with?"

"Well, Sir, nothing for how to get us out of here but I was thinking about how to disarm the weapon."

"That's great thinking Carter, but keep that for after we get out." Jack said leaning his forehead against the bars. He tried to be positive, he really tried but this was going to be big, and it was more than just his team or an alien world…it was earth, his home, his ex-wife's home. Where Charlie was buried. He couldn't let it happen. He had to do something…THEY HAD to do something.

* * *

><p>It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Peter had spent about 10 minutes watching the ships fly by in a circular formation. One was in higher and in the lead. The other was on the left and fell behind and was lower. They never changed position. He figured they must be patrolling. Their loop took them right by one of the giant struts that supported the main structure.<p>

Spider-Man waited till they came close again and as they shot past, he shot a line of webbing to attach the underside of the lower plane thing and he held on - **His arm felt like it had been wrenched from its socket! **

He was yanked out of the trees and was flying about 40 feet behind the alien jet. The wind battered at him and it was by no means graceful or smooth like what he had seen on TV with wind surfers and gliders. He was swung right then left, up then down right some more then left again. If it hadn't been for the lenses covering his eyes he wouldn't have been able to see. The turbulence battered at him. _And I thought kites were graceful…Human-Torch said flying was easy. LIAR!_

He needed to pay attention. _Come on Spidey, focus. _The flyer turned before they came close to the struts so he figured he had to hold on and the speed of the turn would whip him around and he could land smoothly on the strut…but the out of control flailing he was now going through was shooting any chance he had had aiming his trajectory. _Wait for it._ They were getting closer. _Wait for it._ Closer still. _Wait for it..._

It would have been perfect. It could have been perfect only…it wasn't perfect. The plane turned so sharp that Spidey didn't have time to adjust and the whiplash was so strong that the web was torn from his hands. The plane went one way and Spider-Man went the other. "OH -" If Aunt May had heard what came out of Peter's mouth she would have been horrified, ashamed and astounded that his vocabulary had grown by so many curses and profanities. But hey, you pick up stuff like that when you hang around lowlifes and petty thugs that yell and swear vengeance on you when you string them upside down.

Peter was flying through the air and couldn't get into any one position. If he didn't level out and find a target to shoot his line he was going to go splat. Spider-sense went off, _SPLAT TIME_. He shot his web and prayed.

The line went tight and he held on. Suddenly his fall was arching, down to the side the up and up and up. He was in control again. He was up and looked around. Then with his other hand he shot a line towards the direction he wanted to go, and let go of the first. Then WOOM he was swinging. Letting go, his instincts allowed him to flip and land…on the roof of a building, just not the building he wanted. Looking around he saw the giant monolith was way behind him…"CRAP, It turned early." _That's what I'm going with. No way was it my fault…?_

Peeling back his glove, Spider-Man looked at the watch. _CRAP_! 2:37 and counting down. _I god'a go_. Spider-Man dived off the roof.

* * *

><p>Nick Fury stepped out of the black SUV in the parking garage of Cheyenne Mountain. "Sir," a enlisted man said approaching him. He was flanked by to lower enlisted. "General Hammond, has given orders for us to escort you to the waiting area. Please follow me."<p>

Fury looked the young man up then down. "Sorry, Sergeant, but I'm going to the control room." He walked around the guards while other doors were opening.

"Sir," The Sergeant said moving to stop him. Fury didn't even appear to notice. "Sir -"

"-Trust us, Sergeant. There is nothing you can do. The General will understand," said another occupant exiting the vehicle.

The Sergeant turned around and his eyes went wide. "Um…yes, Sir."

* * *

><p>Fury took a polite leisurely stance in front of General Hammond's open door. He knocked. The older-looking man looked up and didn't bother hiding his contempt. "Come in, Director Fury. Shut the door."<p>

Fury obliged him but didn't take a seat and Hammond didn't offer one. "Any word?" Fury demanded.

Hammond shook his head not breaking eye-contact. "Not at this time. You could have done me the courtesy of telling me you were sending Spider-Man of all people."

Fury sniffed. "If I had had given you a heads up we'd have the NID, CIA, NSA and FBI all barking to get in here. Way I see it, I saved you the trouble."

Hammond resented the implication that his command could not be trusted with information but he wasn't foolish enough to believe that all communications to and from the SGC were completely secure, 100% of the time. "What can I do for you, Director Fury? You're not taking over my Command, even for an hour."

Fury smiled. Just a slight curve of the lip. "That's alright, General Hammond. All I need is for you to dial the gate one more time. Oh and how comfortable are you with denying you ever spoke to Spider-Man?"

* * *

><p>Clank, clank, clank, clank - Peter watched the alien soldiers march below him as he clung to the ceiling. <em>Who needs spider-sense. These guys make enough noise that I hear them from half a mile away<em>. They entered a room. Spidey crawled along the ceiling and poked his head in to see what they did. The soldiers all got inside a circle while another hit some buttons on some kind of control then joined his comrades. They stood there for a second then VUM, VUM, VUM, rings popped out of the ground then FLASHED and sank back into the floor. The room was now empty. "Teleported - cool".

Clank, clank, clank, clank - Jack got off the floor and stood up by door to their cell when he heard the Jaffa and their heavy stomps coming down the hall. The impassive hulks took up positions and one in a cape came to the door to his cell. "Step away."

"Oh, yah, sure." Jack obliged. The guard opened the door and motioned for O'Neal to come. "Come with me,"

Jack nodded and stepped out.

* * *

><p>Jack was brought to a large chamber. A middle aged man with a pot-belly and a big-old- grin on his face beamed at him. The Jaffa escort ordered, "Kneel before the god, Hapy!"<p>

Jack blinked, "Wait, what, Hapy!?" The Jaffa kicked the back of his knee forcing him down.

"You are the infamous Jack O'Neal." the potbelly man said still smiling.

"Yeah, yeah, that's me. The Infamous Jack O'Neal. And you would be the famous Lord Hapy. Got to say, we didn't expect to see you."

"Oh and who did you think would rule this world and put together this marvelous plan to rid the system lords of the Tau'ri?"

"Well…Ba'al."

Hapy's smile disappeared and he bellowed, "BA'AL! BA'AL! He is a coward, a small minded fool. He could never have dreamed of what I have achieved here."

"Okay, Okay, I'm sorry." Jack said placating the Goa'uld.

Hapy stopped storming around the room and turned slowly to Jack. "Don't be sorry for me, Mortal. Soon your world will be nothing but a bad memory." His eyes glowed.

* * *

><p>Peter jumped on the part of the floor where the rings had popped out. Nothing happened. Turning to look at the control panel he flicked his wrist sending a glob of webbing at it….the floor opened up and soon Peter was swallowed by light.<p>

The rings came down and Peter was in a room full of the armor clad aliens. "WHOA!" He jumped to the ceiling to the amazement of everyone else.

"JAFFA, CREE!"

Peter fell back into a crouch still on the ceiling then sprayed three lines of webbing that expanded and plastered the aliens to the walls. CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK was coming fast. "Well so much for the stealth approach." Staying on the ceiling he started looking around for anything that looked important.

"CREE"

"What's with the CREE!?" Spider-Man leapt from the ceiling at another group of soldiers.

_This was crazy. Fury was crazy. He sent me here to stop Armageddon and I'm busy fighting a bunch of pro-wrestlers in chain-mail pants_. He dogged more blasts by centimeters. Running on the wall he plowed over two aliens and somersaulted over a third kicking his staff out of his hands. The Alien grabbed at him but Spidey picked him up and tossed him over his shoulder with a CLANG!

"AH, I need to find a way out of this place!"

"GO GUARD THE CONTROL ROOM!"

Spidey turned. "Oh you speak English, great." He leapt for the boss guy bringing him to the ground then jumped and skipped back up to the ceiling and followed the guards running away. "Yes, lead the way."

* * *

><p>A alarm like sound started going off. O'Neal's eyes went wide, "You, BASTARD!" he jumped up but the Jaffa dropped on top of him. Another had to come and lend his buddy a hand to keep Jack on the ground.<p>

Hapy looked around also wide eyed but for different reasons. Walking quickly he waved a hand over a orb communication device. "Control room, what is going one? Your god demands you answer. Why have you started the launch sequence?"

"My lord," a face appeared, there is a intruder, he is - " The words were cut off with the sound of some kind of FWIP, FWIP. The goa'uld looked confused as he turned to the leader of SG-1. "What is this?"

* * *

><p>Spider-Man slammed one guard's face into a wall then launched off that same guard's back at another guy trying to level the unruly staff weapon at him. From the corner of his eye he saw some kind of orb thing light up and one of the chain-male pants crawling over to it. A moment of terror went down his spine as he imagined a big red button about to be pushed. He shoved the man he had in his arms away. FWIP! He shot a line with his free hand at the orb then yanked ripping it from its stand to hit the guy in the head.<p>

Spidey took a deep breath thinking he just dogged a bullet - "Ahhh," shook him from it.

The control area was really a platform that over looked a big wide space and in that space was the biggest missal that Peter had ever seen. Going over and looking over the controls outside he saw the source of the shout.

* * *

><p>Tor'ok, one of the apprentices to Hasspo, the first prime of their lord, Hapy, tried to hold on. He had tried to guard their master's prize as best he could but the redblue intruder was too strong and seemed to move more like a predator than a man. The young jaffa clung to the ledge with his one hand but he knew his fingers couldn't support his weight and the weight of his armor. He tried to raise his other arm up but the shift only made his fingers loose more purchase. Time slowed down. He knew he was going to die. Closing his eyes he said good-bye to his wife and son. Sorry he would never be able to teach his son the ways of the warrior. He felt his finger tips break from the edge.

There was a brief moment of weightlessness. Then out of nowhere a iron grip held fast to his forearm. Tor'ok opened his eyes. The intruder that had flung him to his death was now holding onto his arm, the man's feet and other hand flat against the bare wall as if he was the one on the ground and Tor'ok in the air. "Give me your hand." The intruder's mask hid his mouth but the words were sincere. The man, by the gods, then reached his other hand towards Tor'ok now only connecting to the wall with just his feet. It was impossible.

With apparent ease Tor'ok was raised up as the stranger stepped back over the edge taking Tor'ok with him. Stunned by his near death the Jaffa apprentice didn't rise from the ground. He only looked up at the stranger that had saved his life. The man seemed to have now forgotten him and was hovered over the control panel. "Why, did you save me?"

The masked man turned back to him. "Because I had to, Metal-pants." Looking back at the controls, "If you want to thank me you can tell me how to stop whatever it is that you guys started."

* * *

><p>"I've got no idea what any of this means." Spidey said to himself. His mask didn't show it but he was petrified. He couldn't read any of the symbols displayed on either the small screen or in the strange stone like key boards. <em>stop, take a deep breath, stop trying to understand and look for a pattern, come on Pete, you are good with patterns.<em>

Spider-Man stopped looking at the main consol and slowly turned around the room. One wall had a serious of dots on it, another had another consol except for the part that he had damaged when he tore the orb out. "Okay," he thought out loud, "This thing needs to open a worm hole to get to earth, so it needs more than just latitude and longitude. It needs a four dimensional grid. What would serve as a four dimensional grid?"

Looking at the wall with the dots he realized they must be some kind of star chart. He came up to the chart. Looking around he didn't see anything he recognized. But that wasn't the point, he didn't need to recognize it, he needed to find a way to stop the launch. "What if I can mess with one of those dimensions?" There was no way of knowing but at the moment there weren't many options.

Tor'ok got up still staring at the stranger who was completely focused on the far wall. As he got up he thought about what the stranger had said, and that he had a opportunity that if he could get to his staff weapon he could kill the intruder. His thoughts were halted when he saw over the edge down below them. All the workers, human laborers and Jaffa overseers were stuck on the main floor of the launching chamber. The launch sequence had sealed the entrances. With horror he realized what was going to happen. All those people, his people, were going to be incinerated when the master's weapon launched.

"Stranger," The man spun around at Tor'ok's voice. "The weapon is guided by that device there." He pointed at the panel where there were keys. They represented the words that Tor'ok didn't understand but the Master had used to plan his weapon's destination.

The stranger went over to the panel, studied it and then looked back at Tor'ok. "Yah, did I mention that I flunked Intro to Spanish."

* * *

><p>A faint sound of something going off could be heard. Colonel O'Neal who was still being held by two Jaffa nearly fell to his knees. They were too late. The missal had been launched.<p>

A cold feeling filled his stomach after the initial shock. One way, somehow, he was going to kill this fat snake. For everyone that he had failed, Jack was going to get revenge.

The Gua'uld looked confused and stormed off his Jaffa falling in behind him and dragging Jack along as well.

* * *

><p>Sam, Daniel, Teal'c and the rest of the SG members all rose when they heard the <em>BOOM<em> going off. "Oh my god," Sam said. "They're firing now." All hope was lost. Everyone was quiet. For the first time there was nothing they could do. They had failed.

* * *

><p>The sounds of staff weapons going off shook Daniel out of his miserable contemplation. A Jaffa ran past him, stopped to turn and fire his staff weapon but a grey like tentacle zinged out and splat the Jaffa in the face knocking him over. "Hey, where did you think you were going? What happened to never give up, never surrender." Daniel looked across the hall at Sam who stared back at him. Then they both turned to see as a lone man in a red and blue skin-tight leotard came in dragging two Jaffa in head locks, one under each arm.<p>

Daniel Jackson's mouth dropped open. "SPIDER-MAN!"

Spider-Man took notice of them at the sound of his name and dropped the two Jaffa to slump at his feet. He came further into the prison section. The other cell occupants were now up and staring at the visitor in clear astonishment.

"I'm taking a shot in the dark but, you all would be the guys from the SGC, right?" Spider-Man asked.

"Yes, yes," Carter said getting Spider-Man's attention. "I'm Major Samantha Carter, SG-1."

Spider-Man came over to her cell. "Wait, Samantha Carter, as in contributor to Masterson's book, _Physics and wormholes: Fact and Fiction_"?

Samantha Carter blinked, "Yes," she said tentatively.

"Wow, big fan. I read your scientific journal contributions too." Spider-Man said. "Small universe. How do I get you out of there?"

Sam didn't answer being surprised that not only _the _Spider-Man was standing in front of her, on an alien planet thousands of light-years from earth, but he knew her work.

"You must enter the combination on the pad at the other end of the hall." Teal'c spoke up. Spider-Man turned around and looked in the area he needed to go - then he jumped up without warning spinning to the ceiling as a staff blast shot right where he had been. Spider-Man grabbed the cell door in both hands ripping it off the frame and then threw it at the Jaffa who had gotten back up. With a clang the door landed on top of the Jaffa pinning him and his buddy flat on the floor. His moaning was proof he was still alive.

Flipping back down Spider-Man and the now freed SG personnel surveyed his work. Not wasting time, Spider-Man came to the second cell and taking hold said "Step back." and with a yank the door came off as well. Dropping it he got his first look at who was inside. Teal'c went past apparently having no awe of the red and blue super-hero. Jackson however couldn't help but stare.

"Hey, you're Dr. Daniel Jackson, the guy that said aliens built the pyramids." Spider-Man said.

Daniel did a double take. "Yes, yes I am. You know me?"

"Wow," Spider-Man turned back to Carter than to Jackson, "looks like me and the rest of the world owe you an apology. I thought you were a crazy goofball."

"Thanks" Daniel replied awkwardly

Spider-Man shrugged, "I said I _owed _you an apology, not that I'd actually _give _you an apology." The quip was so offhanded that it took a moment before Daniel realized the web-slinger was trying to be funny.

"How did you get here?" Carter came up after taking two zats from the guards on the floor and handing one to Daniel.

"Yeah, I came through the Stargate. General Hammond gave me the skinny on what's been going on."

"General Hammond called _you_!?" Carter exclaimed.

"Well no, Nick Fury did that." Spider-Man said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. "General Hammond, just gave me the C-4 and opened the gate for me."

"Wait, C-4?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, I used it to blow the control room so they couldn't launch the weapon on time."

"The explosion," Daniel said grabbing Spider-Man by the shoulders. "That was you, the weapon didn't go off?"

"Yeah, I had to work quick so I blew it all in their command center." Daniel's shoulders slumped in relief. There was still time, earth wasn't destroyed, not yet. "Hey, um, Dr. Jackson, we kind of need to go." Spider-Man hopped back up to the roof. "Do either of you have a plan because I'm kind of out of my element."

* * *

><p>Note:<p>

Well its been a while since I updated this short story. It was meant to be a quickie and turns out it took some time. Surprising since its only like 20 pages long. Anyway, read, review and let me know what you think.

Please also keep in mind that his is a short story with non of the character development that I like to put into my stories. My readers are already well versed with the subject material. Hope you enjoy.


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